The “Help Stephen Harper Name His Next Senator” Challenge - Macleans.ca

The “Help Stephen Harper Name His Next Senator” Challenge

Scott Feschuk suggests we could really use an 'adorable senator'

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*Update: Challenge winner announced in the Comments below.

In today’s Ottawa Notebook, Jane Taber describes Tom Flanagan as “super Tory strategist.”

Does she mean “super,” as in “especially good at what he does?”

Does she mean “super,” as in “possessing extra-human powers such as the ability to strategize faster than a speeding Stephanopoulos?”

Or does she mean “super,” as in “I’m sorry I had to take a whole day off from saying nice things about Laureen Harper or directly quoting Conservative talking points, so I’m doing this instead?”

More important, the Notebook points out that Senator Jerry Grafstein is soon retiring, which gives the Prime Minister yet another opportunity to appoint someone new, or the rest of Mike Duffy, to a seat in the upper chamber.

[Brief pause to allow outraged readers to use comments to assail fat joke…]

I’m actually pretty sure there are a couple senators stepping down before Grafstein, but the point remains – soon it will be time yet again for Stephen Harper to respect his promise never to fill a single Senate seat through patronage, except for all of them.

Suggestions:

Janine Krieber – Think of the play this would get: the disaffected wife of a former Liberal leader welcomed into the Conservative fold and given a platform for her anti-Ignatieff views. This would receive more press than any defection since Belinda Stronach left the Tories or Peter Van Loan’s senses left Peter Van Loan.

A loyal, highly partisan Conservative with even fewer credentials than Carolyn Stewart-Olsen because Harper can get away with appointing anyone right now and goddamn it that’s what he’s going to do – The most likely choice.

Zombie Louis St. Laurent – As I mentioned yesterday, he is already disinterred and could easily be reanimated. (I know a guy.) A statesman of St. Laurent’s stature would lend gravitas to the upper chamber, foster a spirit of bipartisan co-operation and— braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnnsssssss. And don’t worry about me: I could find a new hat rack.

A baby panda – We could really use an adorable senator, so it’s either the panda or Coyne.

Who do you think Stephen Harper should appoint to the Senate? Make your suggestion in the Comments below. The best entry, as decided by a jury of me, will receive a lifelong sinecure prize valued in the tens of dollars.

CHALLENGE RESULTS UPDATE:
When it comes to judging these things, I try to be honest and pick the entry that amused me most – the one that generated the most genuine and immediate reaction. And in this case, it’s Con Man’s. I’m pretty sure he’s not trying to be funny, but for some reason it cracked me up to witness the solemnity with which he took on the assignment and the comprehensive nature of his reply. Plus – Bob Runciman! You can’t make this stuff up.

So congratulations (of a sort), Con Man. Please send your address to me at sfeschuk AT sympatico DOT ca and I’ll send off your reward.